She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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