I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
