Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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