Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
