it hurts more in the daytime
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
