i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
