It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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