my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
