weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
