i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
