If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
