nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
