And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
