If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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