Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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