I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
