if i can run in heels then i can drive
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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