How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
