what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
