He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
