We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
