Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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