I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
