i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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