When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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