I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
can u get pink eye on your cock?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
