I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
