i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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