We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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