her vagine was all disorganized.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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