I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
