just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
