You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
