So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
