just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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