so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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