sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
