My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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