I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
