my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
