wat bout pragnant strippers??
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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