i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
