Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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