haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
