It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
