I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
