sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
