i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
