Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
