Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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