when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
