he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
