you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
