Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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