we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
