I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
