God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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