i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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