I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
