so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
