Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
