she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
