I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
