mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
All I want is dick and wine.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
