I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
