It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
