If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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